Sasami & the Seven Cabbits
by Patch Monkey
Summary: A fairy tale, told by Mihoshi. Full of sound and fury. (Originally published to the FFML many, many years ago.)


**Sasami and the Seven Cabbits: A Fairy Tale with Lacerations**

* * *

"Mihoshi, can you tell me a story?" asked the young blue haired girl, a small furry object resting upon her head.

Mihoshi looked over at her. "Sure, Sasami. I love stories! My grandfather used to tell me stories all the time! What do you want to hear?"

"Miyah! Miyah miyah," suggested the small furry object.

"I'm sorry Ryo-ohki...I don't want to hear a story just about carrots." The cabbit looked dejected, and Sasami added "I'll give you some tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Miyah!"

Sasami pondered the question for a second, scrunching up her nose in the process, and then replied. "Do you know any stories about a princess and aprince who saves her, and then they fall in love?"

As the young girl finished he request, several other heads poked in the room.

"Oh! Hello, Ayeka. Hi, Ryoko. Oh, where are my manners! And you too, grandfather! Come on in. I was just about to tell Sasami a story."

Ayeka looked at her little sister and then over to the blonde. "Mihoshi, I too would like to hear the story of a beautiful princess, much like myself. I'm sure it will be a fabulous story."

"Yeah, right, princess. Mihoshi, I'd like to hear it too."

Kashuhito smiled. "Of course, Mihoshi. It's been a while since I've heard a good bedtime story, and what better way to listen than surrounded by pretty ladies? I'm sure Tenchi and Washu will show up later."

"Okay...here goes...I can't remember exactly everyone's name, so I'll just use the people in the room! Sooo...okay...here we go...Sasami and the Seven Cabbits!"

She began, "A long time ago, on a planet not too far away from that nice one with all the trees, but it was winter, so all the trees were bare and..."

"Could you get on with it, Mihoshi?" interrupted Ryoko.

"Waaa! Don't yell at me! It was winter in this kingdom. Now the king's name was Yosho, and he was a good and kind king, and he had a beautiful wife..."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

The queen sat at her window sewing, staring at the snow past the window, framed as it was in a beautiful shade of teal. Now, while she was sewing, she pricked herself with the needle, and five drops of blood fell into a small poolof water that had gathered on the floor. Now, the water has diluted the redness of the blood, and the queen thought it looked to be a most lovely shade of red.

"Oh, I do so wish that I had a second daughter! It would make my heart complete! A daughter with hair the color of the sky and this frame, eyes the color of the water below me, and oh, just as cute as a button."

Soon after that, a daughter was born to the queen, but the birth injured her so that a short time later, the queen passed on into the next world.

Now, the good king Yosho loved his wife truly, and he mourned her for a year. But in those days it wasn't proper for a king to rule without a queen by his side, and, after another six months, he took a new wife.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"Brother, if we had indeed married, and I died, would you have taken another wife?"

"Hmm...now that's a very good question, Ayeka."

"Shhh! Let Mihoshi get back to the story," reprimanded Sasami.

"Now where was I? Oh, right. So the good king took a new wife. She was a beautiful woman, but proud and haughty, and she could not bear that anyone else could ever surpass her in beauty..."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

The new queen was named Ryoko, and this Ryoko had a magical mirror that answered any question she ever asked of it. Now, every day, as Ryoko woke up,she asked the mirror:

"Mirror, mirror...yeah, you on the wall. Who's the cutest babe of them all?"

And the mirror would always reply, "You are, my lady. Now, go and spike your hair for the upcoming day."

After that, she was satisfied, for she knew the mirror could only speak the truth.

But Sasami was growing into a spunky teenager, and got more beautiful each and every day. And one day Queen Ryoko, the queen stared into the mirror, and asked it:

"Mirror, mirror...yo. Mirror? Hmm? I was wondering, who is the prettiest gal of them all?"

And the mirror responded,

"Well, Ryoko, you are the fairest of all I see, but Sasami beats you hands down in the all over the place department. Sorry."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C-

"Hey! Well, I can deal with that, as long as it ain't Miss Prissy over there."

"Ryoko! How dare you! I'm not even in the story yet! And if I were, I'm sure that the mirror would say the same for me as it does for Sasami."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C-

What the mirror said shocked Ryoko, and she turned green with envy. From that hour, whenever she looked at Sasami, her tail twitched and she hated the girl even more so. And one day, it grew so great, that this even grew in her hear like a weed, and she finally could take it no more, and she called a huntswoman to her.

"Yo, huntswoman!"

Now the huntswoman was named Ayeka...

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C-

"Oh! What a hoot! Ayeka's my servant?"

"Yes, well, I might be, but you are certainly an evil queen. I'd say that Mihoshi has got you down perfectly!"

"Why...you...grrrr!"

"Ayeka! Ryoko! Please let Mihoshi finish my story!" spoke Sasami, at the same time a buzzing noise began to fill the room.

Mihoshi had fallen asleep.

"I'll go wake her up," said Ryoko, shaking Mihoshi's shoulder.

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE! It's the evil queen!"

The assembled, minus Mihoshi, sweatdropped.

"Mihoshi, can you continue the story?"

"Of course. Now the huntswoman was named Ayeka..."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C-

And the evil queen spoke to Ayeka the Huntswoman, "Ayeka, there's a nature preserve on that planet where they design the treeships the Juraians use. The nature preserve is open for visitors. I want you to take her over there, and kill her." Handing Ayeka a jeweled box, she continued, "Bring me her heart in this box, and I shall give you riches beyond your greatest desires."

The huntsman obeyed, and sought out Sasami, who was sitting in the garden surrounded by all the furry animals that could ever seek her out.

"Sasami, the queen wishes for me to take you out to the nature preserve," spoke Ayeka, and Sasami did as she was told.

So the huntswoman and Sasami flew out to the nature preserve, and when Sasami had her back turned, she flipped the safety off of his standard issue X-14 civilian energy gun.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C-

"MIHOSHI! I would never kill Sasami!"

"Oh, of course, you wouldn't! But this is just a story."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C-

Now Sasami heard the safety click, and she turned around.

"You wouldn't be about to shoot me, would you?"

Ayeka looked flustered for a second, and shook her head no.

"Oh. Good. Why are you playing with a gun in a nature preserve?"

The huntswoman could not contain herself anymore, and fell to the ground at Sasami's feet. "Oh, princess, please run! The queen asked me to do away with you, and I just can not do it!"

Sasami thanked the huntswoman, and she thought, "The wild beasts will soon have devoured you. Either that, or they'll be bringing you love left and right." Ayeka felt as though a log had been lifted from her heart.

So Sasami ran very very fast, and soon she was out of the sight of Ayeka. Ayeka picked up a comlink, and called the local butcher shop, and asked if they had a hog's heart, and if she could possibly get it from them. She took the heart to the palace kitchen, had it salted, and presented it to the queen, and received her reward, and flew very far away, in fear that her deception would be discovered.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"Haha, you old hag! See what happened?"

"It's just a story, Princess."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Sasami, meanwhile, had fled far far away, until she could no longer run any further. Sasami, sitting alone in the dark forest, wept a little, and soon fell fast asleep against a tree. She slept fitfully, waking from time to time with a start and staring into the darkness around her. At last though, dawn broke, and Sasami thought: "Well, it was certainly silly of me to not have brought a flashlight. I wouldn't have been so scared if I did!"

However, even with that little thought, she was still a bit frightened, and, as she tried to find out where she was, she walked until she reached a highway. And on the side of that highway was an traditional inn, and that inn also had a hot spring. Now the inn had a tiny door, with tiny windows, and a very large carrot patch.

Sasami, being curious, thought "What a wonderful carrot patch! This is all very curious."

She walked up to the door, and pushed it open. "I wonder who lives in this place?" she remarked to herself, as she peeped into the kitchen. "They don't have any spoons, just forks and knives. And all those plates! There must be seven people who live here, for there are seven plates upon the table." Upstairs were seven beds, and several other rooms that Sasami decided must be for guests. Going back to the kitchen, she had an idea.

"I think I'll make them dinner. They seem to like carrots, and I'm sure that they won't mind!"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"Miyah! Miyah miyah miyah."

"Oh, you're so cute, Ryo-ohki!" gushed Mihoshi.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Towards dusk, the owners of the inn came back. They were seven cabbits, each with a colored cap on it's head who dug and picked the carrots each day, for carrots had become a bumper crop a few years back, and even the government couldn't pay enough to match what they got each month in money. And when they opened the door, they were surprised to see the dazzling array of carrot dishes on the table, and the whole inn spic and span. They went upstairs, and saw Sasami sleeping on one of their beds.

Prodding her gently, one of the cabbits asked "Miyao! Who are you?"

Sasami told the cabbits her sad story, and tears sprang to the cabbits eyes. Then a grayish-white colored cabbit spoke, as he noisily blew his nose, "Ciyah! Why don't you stay here with us?"

"You can live here and tend the house while we're down in the fields. Don't worry about that evil Ryoko leaving you to die in the forest. We love you and we'll take care of you!" spoke all of the cabbits in tandem.

Sasami joyfully accepted their offer, and they all settled in for the night.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"Wow! Seven cabbits!"

"Yeah, yeah. When do we get back to the queen?"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Back at the castle, Queen Ryoko was tending to her hair, and smiling asked the mirror:

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Sasami's gone, and I'm still here, So go on, tell me, who's the hottest babe of them all?"

And the mirror, being unable to lie, replied:

"Well, Ryoko, it's not what you want to hear, But gorgeous Sasami's still around, Better get yourself some beer, She's over with some cabbits she found."

Ryoko was beside herself with rage, and plotted to do in Sasami after all.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"Ahahaha! Well, look what happened, Ryoko."

"Yeah, well at least I'm still in the story."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Now it was the next morning, and the cabbits were getting ready to head out to the patch for the day's work.

A brown one, who seemed to be the leader, said to Sasami as they left: "Miyah! Now, remember, don't let anyone in if they aren't on the guest register. Your evil stepmother may be coming!"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"What's this?" queried a familiar red-head as she popped her head into Sasami's bedroom.

"Hi little Washu! Mihoshi's telling me a bedtime story."

"I see...may I listen?"

"Sure, little Washu! Let me move over! Arg! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to spill my tea all over you!"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Now Ryoko had been plotting and planning, and had come up with an idea. She would disguise herself as Sasami's teacher, a professor named Washu, and feed her some poisoned sushi.

"Hahahaha! I'm so smart! And soon I'll be the most beautiful again!"

So Ryoko got in her spaceship, and flew to where the mirror had told her of Sasami's position. Disguised as the professor, Washu, she knocked on the door to the inn.

"Who's at the door?" Sasami called suspiciously, as she remembered what the cabbits had told her.

"It's Washu! I'm supposed to be here on vacation!"

Now Sasami remembered that her favorite teacher said something about a vacation, and she went and opened the door, and saw Washu standing there.

"Little Washu! This is where you were going for vacation?"

"Yes. Sasami, whatever are you doing here?"

"Well, Ryoko tried to kill me, and I escaped..."

"Oh, such a sad story. Here, have some sushi!"

Sasami looked at the sushi, and it seemed to be just fine, filled with the most wonderful rolls. "Little Washu, where did you get this?"

"Well, I found this great restaurant. Try some!"

Sasami took a bite of the eel roll, and as she did, she fell to the ground in a faint; the effect of the terrible poison leaving her lifeless instantly.

The evil Ryoko then shed her Washu disguise, and danced around singing "Oh I am the greatest evil queen! Yes you are the greatest, Ryoko!"

She fled the inn quickly, because she heard the voices of the cabbits returning from the fields.

When she return to her chambers, she queried the mirror:

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Tell me who is the best lookin' one of all?"

And the mirror replied:

"Well, with Sasami gone, who do you think? It's you, sugar, now give me a wink!"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"How dare you kill my sister, Ryoko! Apologize immediately!"

"Chill out, Princess. It's a story."

The door creaked open, and they craned their necks to see who was there.

"Lord Tenchi!" cried Ayeka. "Hello, Kiyone."

"Tenchi!" cried Sasami and Ryoko in tandem.

"Kiyone!" cried Mihoshi.

"Tylenol!" cried Yosho and Washu.

Sasami was the first to speak a complete sentence. "Mihoshi's telling us a story. It's called Sasami and the Seven Cabbits."

"Oh? It sounds interesting," said Tenchi, as he and Kiyone sat down to listen.

"Now the cabbits, being good galactic citizens..."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

The cabbits returned home, and immediately thought about whether they should bury the young girl. That was put to rest when the brown cabbit turned to the others. "We should notify the galaxy police immediately," and, within seconds, a call had been put out. An hour later, a ship landed, and two figures materialized outside the ship.

The first figure was a handsome man, with jet black hair ending in a short ponytail and deep brown eyes, his hand reaching for a sword on his belt. The other a emerald tressed woman with piercing blue eyes. Both wore the typical outfit of a Galaxy Police officer, although the man's seemed to be of a slightly higher rank.

"Well, this looks like the place," said the man.

"It sure does. You know, I'm sure glad that I got a new partner. You're clean. You don't snore. Have I told you how happy I am that you aren't Mihoshi?" asked the woman standing next to him.

"Yes, several times this hour, actually."

"Oh...heheh. Hmm, well, we should probably go look at the scene."

The two Galaxy Police officers walked up to the door. The lady knocked. "Galaxy Police! Is anyone home?"

"Ziyah! Door's open!" came a voice from inside.

"Commander Tenchi Masaki and Detective First Class Kiyone Makibi, Galaxy Police. We got a call..."

Kiyone's voice dropped off as she looked at the scene in front of her. Seven cabbits of various colors, all wearing bright colored hats, were surrounding a young girl.

"From what appears to be seven cabbits. All mourning a young girl. Doesn't this seem familiar to you, Kiyone?"

"Well, you are nobility, commander."

The brown cabbit, who was wearing an orange hat, hopped over to the two officers. "Miyah...We think this was done by her stepmother, the Queen Ryoko."

"Ryoko? The wife of King Kashuhito?" asked Kiyone.

"That very one. Young Sasami here escaped her stepmother's clutches for a short time, but it appears that she did do her in."

"Thank you..."

"Ryo-ohki, officer."

"Thank you, Ryo-ohki. Kiyone, can you prepare a stretcher?" asked Tenchi as he walked over to the apparently dead girl. He lifted Sasami, and as he draphed her over his shoulder, a piece of the Sushi popper out of Sasami's throat and she, incredibly, began to breathe!

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"I knew Tenchi would save me!" Sasami said, suddenly getting several glares from around the room.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Sasami woke with a start, only to find out that she was draped over a man's shoulder. Realizing that there were only possibly two reasons for this, she kicked him in the groin, and gasping for breath, Tenchi put her down.

"Oh...dear...I'm sorry, officer."

"Don't (gasp) worry (ow) about...it...Happens all...(oooo) the time," replied Tenchi.

Kiyone started over to the pair. "Tenchi? Are you okay?"

"Give me a second...please...(ow)...Kiyone, do you think you can take me to medical?"

Sasami blushed furiously.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

A quick glace around the bedroom revealed two men and a cabbit looking very uncomfortable.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Sasami sat with Kiyone explaining what happened in detail.

"Don't worry, princess, we'll get your stepmother. Attempted murder, conspiracy for kidnapping..."

"Officer, I know. It's just that she's very dangerous."

The red spacecraft pulled into space around Sasami's planet, as Tenchi walked out of the medical bay.

"Everything better? I'm really sorry about that...I didn't..."

Tenchi smiled at the young girl. "Don't worry about it. I'm fine."

Sasami looked up at his face, and she smiled back. Kiyone, watching them, groaned.

The two of them stopped smiling, and Tenchi turned to the other officer. "Notify the ground police and the king of this development. We're going in," he concluded, as the ship dropped towards the planet.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"So the evil woman will get what she deserves, right, Mihoshi?"

"Ayeka...Shut up."

"Oh, hush yourself, pirate..."

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

The two Galaxy Police officers and Princess Sasami raced through the halls to the Queen's chambers, where Ryoko was sitting there, vainly admiring herself in the magic mirror.

Officers Tenchi and Kiyone burst through the doors of the chamber, Tenchi with a energy sword and Kiyone with her gun drawn. "Freeze, Ryoko! You're under arrest for kidnapping and attempted murder!"

"Damn you! Couldn't you just let her stay dead? All I wanted to be was be the most beautiful, and she took that away!"

"Um," began Tenchi, as he lowered his weapon and began walking towards her. "Well, you'll have to come with us. You did try to kill her, and that's illegal."

"TENCHI! Look out!" shouted Sasami, as Ryoko threw her hands forward suddenly and a yellow energy ball formed.

A second later, it was shattered by the fire from the other corner of the room. "Nail her, Tenchi!" yelled Kiyone.

"Good shot! And...thanks. You two saved my life."

Tenchi's sword flared, and Ryoko began fighting in earnest, a yellow energy sword materializing out of nothing and appearing inher hand and Tenchi deftly countering every strike. Back and forth they went, both of them jousting to the best of their ability, when , without warning, Ryoko froze in place.

He looked at the Queen. "Can someone explain to me what just happened?

Sasami and Kiyone looked at confused man. "Oh, Kiyone just got the imprisionment controls online. She's apparently neutralized now."

"I think we can take her in, Commander," added Kiyone.

"Great! And, thanks again for the save. Both of you."

"Well...we didn't," the two began together. "That is, we didn't want you to die," they concluded in tandem.

"That's good," remarked Tenchi, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"And that's how Sasami was saved from the evil Ryoko," concluded Mihoshi.

"But you said that it was supposed to be about a princess and prince who rescues her and falls in love?"

"Oh! I forgot!"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

In the media frenzy that followed, it was learned that Commander Tenchi was a direct descendnant of a very powerful royal family in the galaxy, and the Princess Sasami had been spending more time with the apparent prince.

Now it turned out that the noble Tenchi was able to take two wives...and he did, and he, Sasami, and Kiyone lived happily ever after.

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

"Gee, Mihoshi, that was actually a nice story," complimented Kiyone.

"Oh Kiyone! Do you really think so? I wanted it to be so good and I was worried..."

"I think that was all Sasami wanted to really hear," commented Yosho.

"Why, Lord Yosho, I do believe you are right," agreed Washu.

"Would you like to get some tea, little Washu?" he asked the scientist.

"Certainly."

"Mihoshi, it was a good story...but we should leave. Sasami looks like she's falling asleep," noted Tenchi.

The assembled began to walk out, and soon, all that could be heard in the room was faint breathing of a young girl with a smile on her face, and a small furry animal beside her.

Oh, and...

"Old hag! I'm glad you died!"

"Shut up, you witch! I'm gonna make you regret that!"

SAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7CSAT7C

Sasami opened her eyes, and looked around the room. "Ryo-ohki?"

A tired "miyah" was the reply.

"Did you like the story?"

"Miyah!"

"Good...I did too. Good night, Ryo-ohki."

"Mi-yah."

And Sasami turned over, and closed her eyes, and slept happily

all  
the  
night  
long.

-fin-


End file.
